This blog is dedicated to all my single friends. Currently, there are over 54 million single people in America. Of those 54 million, over 41 million have tried an Internet dating site at least once. On average, marriage-minded people who used a dating site wedded within a little over 18 months versus marriage-minded people who met offline who usually married, on average, in a little after four years of knowing someone.
In finding our perfect mate we create a personal profile of ourselves that we feel will be the most enticing to prospective suitors, lovers, and partners. I think most people try to be as honest as they can be. Yet I know in my own personal experience, prior to meeting my husband at a fat people reunion (gastric bypass convention educating patients and celebrating achievements), many people misrepresented themselves.
Many men who answered my post lied about their height, their weight, how much money they made, their interests, whether or not they actually had a job. One man asked me if I always wore dangly earrings. I said I did not, but that I love dangly earrings. When we first met at the restaurant we decided upon, I expected to see a tall, healthy, living comfortably established man. Instead, he was shorter than me, and I am five foot four and a half inches tall. He was very overweight, which did not matter to me but was not how he had represented himself. He did not look like his picture at all. He was not working and was living on disability. Okay, he had a serious injury that made him unable to work. I understand. What totally killed my interest in him was when we discussed what it was we were looking for in a mate. He told me he pretty much was looking for a caretaker, a financial provider, and a sex partner.
Nothing in his profile indicated any of these things. He also told me he wanted a fit woman (code word for thin or not fat) who loved to dance to country music. I told him I love to dance and would love to learn line dancing. That’s when he asked about my dangly earrings. It was over before it started.
Those of you who are using the dating sites, if you want a serious and honest relationship then be serious and honest about yourself. The code words used to describe us weed out people who do not share the same interest. If a person is writing their desire for a SWF, (for example) who is fit, enjoys hiking and camping, and you’re a SBF who hates hiking and camping and you would not consider yourself fit, then this is obviously not the mate you should date.
The code words such as fit (meaning not fat), well groomed and put together (meaning gorgeous and stylish), athletic (meaning not a couch potato and definitely not someone considered fat or overweight) are not the words others would use to describe you, then, save yourself the esteem deflation. It is not to say that those who are considered fat are not beautiful. I know so many absolutely drop-dead gorgeous fatties. What I am trying to convey to all of us, fatty or skinny, is the code words used on dating sites may be a way to convey nicely what someone is looking for in a mate. Some people’s expectations and code words may come across as self-centered and with very high expectations. If this person is not the type you need to fulfill you, then don’t focus on the negative. Instead, focus on the people that intrigue you, that seem genuine, and seem to share the same likes as well as the same outlook on life.
And another note to everyone out there, don’t sell others or yourself short. Be open to meeting all kinds of people of different sizes, races, and looks. Sometimes the person you may think you are not interested in may be in fact the person you will find most interesting. We can never have enough friends.
Sometimes these sites can make it seem like everyone is looking for someone with the most perfect body and beautiful face. I think most of us see beauty differently. What might be a ten to some people may be a two to others. We each have something wonderful to bring to the table no matter our weight. Take code words with a grain of salt, and use them to gauge if the person’s requests of what they need meet your needs.
Best of luck to all the singles out there. Fat or thin, beautiful or natural with a good personality (code word for homely), we all deserved to be loved. Remember, each of us is indeed special and worthy of love. And remember, not everyone you meet is meant to be the “one”.
Until we meet again, this is Linda Misleh Wagner, Future Former Fatty.
Tagged Weight Loss