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Linda Misleh Wagner: Future Former Fatty

Does $10 Million Make You Thin? FFF #202

Have you ever thought that if you only had a lot of money you would be thin? I sometimes think money can solve my weight problem. Ten million dollars could get me thin and keep me that way.

Imagine winning the lottery and having enough money to do anything you ever wanted. What is the one thing you have struggled with and wanted more than almost anything? It’s losing weight, having a slender, firm, perfect body, and never gaining the weight back. Right?

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I know losing weight and keeping the weight off with no sagging boobs, no loose skin, and having a hot body the rest of my life is one of my dreams. That dream could almost become an instant reality if I won a great deal of money.

The first thing I would do is immediately research and find a renowned fat farm, check myself in, and attend every class they offered on getting healthy, eating healthy, and living healthy. I would learn to love exercise to the point that I felt I needed it everyday and use workouts as a way to cope instead of food. I would get daily massages and spa treatments.

While I was losing weight, I would research plastic surgeons, make an appointment, and schedule surgery as soon as I had all my excess weight off, and I was disciplined with exercise. The moment I was ready for surgery, I would have that surgeon take off all the loose skin around my hips and belly.

My stomach would be as flat as it can be, and from exercising, I would develop the muscles underneath all that loose skin that my abs would look perfect after surgery. The surgeon will have to suck out all the excess fat anywhere the fat stuck even after losing weight.

That surgeon would make a fortune off of me because he would have a lot of work to do in my thighs and back. Then, he would have to get rid of loose flappy skin from my thighs, knees, and underarms. Since he is doing all this reconstructive surgery anyway, I might as well get rid of turkey neck. And of course, let us not forget the boobs. Those sisters would be pulled up so high and perky, I might knock someone over if I bumped into them. Boom shakalaka! Boom shakalaka.

Once I went home, I would hire a personal trainer/personal assistant/chef specializing in amazing healthy fare. This trainer would guide me through daily thorough workout sessions, help me throughout the day with day-to-day things,
and cook delicious low calorie healthy food. This person would kind of be my guardian angel, my bulwark against being fat. Imagine how much weight I could lose and keep off with someone always there to hand feed me a healthy lifestyle, on a silver platter, of course.

I wonder if having a personal guardian angel against fat would solve my problems with binge eating. Would I ever binge eat again? Would I feel so good in my new body that binge eating would become a foreign concept to me? Would my addiction to food be completely changed by the new mindset I would develop and embrace? Maybe.

The question that then comes to bear is what do I do in the meantime? What if I never win or make the amount of money I need to go to a fat farm, have plastic surgery, and hire someone to follow me around and keep me from eating junk food? What if I end up winning the lottery, not in the near future but in twenty or thirty years? Am I going to continue to eat crap food on the chance I might come into an unexpected financial windfall? Am I going to allow myself to continue to struggle with my weight, therefore playing Russian roulette with my health? In twenty or thirty years, will I even give a damn about losing weight and being thin? Will perky tits matter to anyone other than me at that age?

So I guess we all know what that means. Since the likelihood of winning the lottery or working long and hard enough to earn enough money to hire a anti-fatty angel, and all the other requirements I need to lose weight is next to impossible, I guess I am going to have to take full responsibility for myself.

I am going to have to become my own anti-fatty angel. If I am to turn my big fat ass into a small, sexy, well-shaped ass, then I am going to have to push myself, be my own coach, and care enough about myself to make it happen. The responsibility can only be my own and not put upon anyone else.

Even if I had all that money to hire someone to basically keep me from overeating and pushing me to get in shape, the truth is I would have to be able to afford two people, not one, so they could alternate to get some sleep.

You see, a true fatty can find ways to sneak eat regardless of whether there is anyone about to stop them or not. I guess the bottom line is that it doesn’t matter whether or not we have the ability to hire someone to basically babysit us and keep us from devouring the junk food aisle at the grocery store. The strength to want to change comes from only one place, and that is within us.

Ten million dollars may enable us to hire people to help get us into shape, cook healthy meals for us, and may even afford us great psychological guidance to help us work through the muck of our food-driven minds. The truth is, the only power we need to succeed is our own desire to succeed. Our desire to lose weight and be healthy doesn’t take ten million dollars. It takes our deep desire and commitment. Without that commitment and desire, no amount of money will keep us thin.

Until we meet again, this is Linda Misleh Wagner, Future Former Fatty.

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