Okay, God. Are you listening to me? How come some people are born with such perfect, beautiful, never-had-an-extra-ounce-on-them bodies? And then there is me.
Don’t get me wrong, God. You have blessed me in so many ways. I am so grateful for my husband, my family, my gorgeous children and grandchildren, my amazing super supportive friends, my job, my home, my life.
You are probably thinking to yourself, “Hey, Linda! What more could you want? Don’t be so unappreciative. You have all these blessings, and your complaining about a little problem such as food addiction and binge eating? I don’t know, Linda, but if I were you, I might not complain.”
“I know, God. You are right. It just seems like skinny hot-bodied people have what I have plus the body. Don’t you want me to have a healthy hot body?”
“Linda, I don’t know about a hot body. I understand you want to be healthy and have a healthy body. But, Linda, what makes you think I haven’t answered your prayers? Perhaps, you are not listening to the answer. Perhaps the answer has always been right there in front of you. You just are not paying attention.”
“Not paying attention?! God, are you serious? Of course, I am paying attention. I just don’t see that you’re listening to my prayers. Sorry, God. I am just telling you how I feel.”
“Oh my child. Let me show you how supportive I have been to you. Do you remember the joke about the man standing on top of his car praying to Me to rescue him from the flood about to overtake him and his car? A rowboat comes by and offers help. He said no, that he was waiting for God to help him. Then a cruise ship comes by and offers help to the man. Again, the man turns the cruise ship away stating he is waiting for God to help him. Then a helicopter comes overhead and throws down a lifeline. The man declines assistance; again stating he is waiting for God to save him. Finally, the man drowns. He comes before me, and he says, “God, I prayed for you to save me, but you did not listen.” I answered the man, “Of course, I listened. I sent you a rowboat, a cruise ship, and a helicopter, and you turned them away.”
“Linda, I guided you to Weight Watchers, and you did very well for five and a half years. I created people to help you and you went to Medical Weight Loss Clinics, Overeaters Anonymous, Optifast, LA Weight Loss Centers, and you tried and reverted back to old habits. I have provided guides who have succeeded and written books, made DVDs, and television programs to help you. Yet, you are not listening to me. I even create people smart enough to develop a surgery to help you lose weight. You did the surgery, and again after five and a half years, you reverted. Now my child, I have provided wonderful people who want to support you to success and have brought you to Aaron Snyder. The way I see it, you are the man on top of the roof of his car in a grand flood.”
“My child, stop rejecting the opportunities I have afforded you. I obviously have been listening. Have you?”
“Wow, God! You are right. I guess I just wanted a miracle, an instant fix.”
“Oh, Linda, how you do frustrate me. I am not a genie in a bottle. I am God. I gave you miracles. You just wouldn’t recognize a miracle if it slapped you in the derriere.”
“Ouch! Okay, okay! I get it.”
“Linda, let me tell you something else. Everyone has things to deal with in their lives. Addictions come in many forms. Skinny hot-bodied people have their toils like anyone else. Heck, how do you know that the skinny hot-bodied woman you were admiring isn’t a skinny crack whore dealing with a difficult life? She may be skinny because she had not had your blessings. Think about it.”
Until we meet again, this is Linda Misleh Wagner, Future Former Fatty and definitely grateful to not be a skinny crack ho.
Tagged Control Cravings