We have two “faces” of weight loss and gain. We may not even be aware that our personalities change as we lose and gain weight, but they do. I know mine did. It wasn’t until I gained weight back that I even recognized my two “faces”.
My personality – outgoing, funny, giving, and loving, and kind – is who I am; these qualities define my character. That does not change with my weight. Things like depression, sensitivity, frustration, sexiness, daring, flirtatiousness definitely change with my weight; and they define my personality.
Prior to having gastric by-pass surgery, one of the requirements was a sit down with a psychiatrist to see if I could handle the changes in my life once I lost weight. It was a brief encounter, about and hour to an hour and a half, one time.
I answered the doctor’s questions honestly. It went well, and she approved my candidacy as a gastric by-pass recipient. I was thrilled and not surprised I passed. After all, I am healthy-minded woman. Even though I have been through a great deal in my life, I have always handled things with dignity and grace and moderate acceptance. I am a survivor.
Then I had the surgery. I lost nearly two hundred and fifty pounds. As my face became smaller, thinner, and lost its chubbiness, I began to get more attention from people. As my body became more attractive, more enticing, I began to get more attention from men.
My “face” as a thin person became more seductive, more flirtatious, more assertive, less depressed, less frustrated, less over sensitive, and more daring. I was still as loving and kind, giving and heart felt, and there for others as I have always been. That had not changed.
What did change was I put my needs (not wants) first. I worked out every evening after work for two hours, sometimes three before I went home. I joined groups to meet people (predominantly men, which I had never ventured to do before since my divorce). I took ballroom and salsa dancing classes. I went out to clubs to dance, mainly for fun with my gal pals, but also to meet men. Thin “face” wanted a relationship. Fat “face” didn’t think anyone would take her seriously and want and desire that face.
Fat “face” was content to raise her children, keep busy with their activities, do things with and for extended family, volunteer for groups at her children’s school. Thin “face” wanted all things fat “face” wanted and so much more. Thin “face” wanted things that fulfilled desires beyond catering to and meeting the needs of those she loved. Thin “face” wanted love and to be loved.
So are there two “faces” we carry depending on our size? I would say yes. When we are thin, we understand to stay thin and healthy we have to make time to take care of our health and our bodies. When we are fat, we know we should make time to take care of ourselves better, but we don’t care enough to do so. Well, not until we are so sick of our obesity that we begin to yearn for the personality of thin “face”.
Who you are and who you’re truly meant to be should not depend on your size or your weight. Why deny yourself a full life if you have one “face” when you are fat and one “face” when you are thin? Live your life fully, and most importantly know you deserve a good life, and you deserve to be loved regardless of your size.
Until we meet again, this is Linda Misleh Wagner, Future Former Fatty.