So, how’s your sex life? I hope it is hot, hot, super hot. Steamy, sexy, and over the top.
What? Not so much? How come? Am I hearing you right? Are you telling me that you are too fat to have sex? That you would rather die than allow anyone to see your body, let alone touch you? No way. Sex is one of the best parts of life.
I know the way most people think. Everyone thinks if you have a great body – slender, lean, and toned – then you must be having amazing sex. Not necessarily. I have friends who are super hot and having sex. . .not.
And most people think if you are too fat, then who would want to sleep with you? Plus, they are shocked if you admit you actually have sexual desires. Fat people aren’t supposed to feel sexy, are they?
I’m here to tell you, yes they are. Fat people have sexual desires just like anyone else. And feeling sexy is not based upon your size.
Feeling sexy is not about what you look like, although, if you like the way you look, chances are you will feel sexy. Sexiness is an attitude, a confidence, a natural instinct for flirting and feeling desirable. It’s a belief in your sensuality.
Wanting sex and having sexual needs can be affected by your size. The truth is if you are heavier, and you don’t like your body, and you’re embarrassed enough that you inhibit your natural desires and sexiness, and then your weight is probably cumbersome to you having sex, especially great sex.
Excess weight can cause the libido for both men and women to decrease. Not disintegrate, but lessen. Partly, because emotionally you don’t see yourself as sexy, or you don’t feel you deserve sex because of your size, and you can’t believe anyone else can find you desirable at your size. These attitudes can make you feel inhibited and uncomfortable at the idea of having sex.
Physiologically, excess weight hinders blood flow to the genitals of both men and women, therefore, making it more difficult to feel the passion and experience an orgasm. Both physiologically and psychologically, your sex drive issues can be addressed and fixed.
Simple steps such as losing ten pounds can help your libido. Lose a few pounds, and you will notice a lightness in your step, and a swagger to your walk. Boom shakalka! Boom shakalka!
Exercise such as walking can increase blood flow to your genital areas. Reading sexy novels or watching porn can generate heat and desire. Yoga is a great way to increase blood flow to the parts of you craving release as well as give you flexibility and core strength.
Most importantly, believe in yourself. Believe you deserve sex and intimacy. A change in attitude can make the difference between sleeping and cuddling next to a warm body or sleeping alone. If you believe in yourself, then you will strut yourself. Shake that booty!
And even more important, accept your size, and accept that you have needs and desires. Know that it is okay to love, be loved, and enjoy sex. You deserve sex just as much as anyone else.
Quick story. Once I joined Overeaters Anonymous. My first meeting I sat across a woman who must have weighed well over four hundred pounds. She was sharing her frustration with the men in her life. One man, she explained, was very sweet, but the sex between them was good, nice is actually what she said. The other man was amazing in bed, and the sex between them was incredibly hot, sweaty, and could go on for hours, but he wasn’t as nice as the other man.
Okay, I admit it. I was shocked for several reasons. One, how did this woman, who honestly was not very attractive, and extremely obese, have two lovers? Secondly, what position could they possibly do at her size?
The answer was she believed in herself, had confidence, felt sexy, and felt she deserved to have great sex. Despite her size, she was able to attract men. She openly admitted to the group that she loved her sex life.
Go figure. Her size was not deterring her from having a fun and having an active sex life. It goes to show you, sex is not just for skinnies.
Until we meet again, this is Linda Misleh Wagner, Future Former Fatty.