Beware of becoming aware of your addiction to food! With awareness comes accountability and responsibility. That’s a great thing, and a wonderful scary thing.
As you know, I have been battling trying to get my weight down and control my binge eating. I can honestly tell you, I stink at it! I am a compulsive binge eater!
So where’s the bright side you are asking yourself? Here you have a woman that desperately wants to inspire you to work at being the best version of yourself you can be. I want you to recognize how very valuable and incredible you are, and that your weight does not define who you are, and does not determine the life you are entitled to fight for.
How do I tell you that you must fight the fight every day to lose weight, to get healthy, to change your lifestyle into an active productive life, and have peace with yourself if I am failing to accomplish these goals? Guess what? I can tell you! Do you want to know why?
Because I suffer the same pain you do every moment of every day. I know how hard it is to get a grasp on your weight because I live it every day. I know how it feels to loathe yourself when you have let another day go by without working to change the number on the scale. I know the frustration of trying to fit your fat body into a space others glide through. I know the embarrassment of being the largest person in the room. I understand you, as I know you understand me.
The good news is that once we become aware of our addiction to food, we have real hope. Recovery only begins when we admit to and are honest with ourselves about our addiction. Once aware, it becomes harder to fail.
Every time we grab something we know is not going to serve our body well, we now do it with awareness. Stay with me on this. Once aware, we cannot hide behind the cloak of denial. With the cloak of denial removed, we stand only in the naked truth.
Many of us eat only to eat. We are under stress, or we are bored, or whatever, and we just sit there stuffing peanut M&Ms down our throat without regard to the negative effects on us. We don’t want to think about it! We just do it mindlessly.
Somehow, at some point, which may be the next time we step on the scale, or we try something on that fit when we bought but it no longer fits now, is when we remember the pound-size bag of M&Ms we devoured one night.
This is how I feel. It is the reality check I need when I write to you about losing weight, and living healthy. I want to practice what I preach, but this preacher is suffering along with you.
The brilliant silver lining is as I struggle to find my way to overcome compulsive binge eating, when I dare to become aware of what I am doing to myself, and when I battle the inner war I now am confronted with, I know I am winning the war. I may not be losing weight, but I am no longer gaining weight. I am no longer in denial about how bad and how addicted I am to food.
I know I will eventually get this weight off, hence the Future Former Fatty. In the meantime, I am so grateful to have an opportunity to share with you the wonder of discovery and the gift of self-awareness, to share my struggles and my successes with you. Beware of becoming aware! With awareness comes enlightenment, and enlightenment brings reality. This reality is the tool we need to make changes we want to make for our betterment. We can’t hide from ourselves.
Until we meet again, this is Linda Misleh Wagner, Future Former Fatty.